I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
