I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
