so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
