I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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