the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
