nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
