You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I looked at my own cervix.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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