My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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