The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
