i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
