not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
