I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
