Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize