Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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