those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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