So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
