So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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