Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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