plz talk dirty to me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
