I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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