I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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