this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
