I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
