Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
