OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's like iHOP with fire
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Randomize
