and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
