Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
