So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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