dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't shave. On purpose
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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