He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
