It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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