i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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