remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
