Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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