i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
