How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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