sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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