im six kinds of drunk right now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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