I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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