Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize