From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
