i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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