guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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