uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
