you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
