I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
