we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
