We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
