a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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