Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
