I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
