Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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