So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
