I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
