'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
