We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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