My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize