A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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