he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
