I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
