You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
