my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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