My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
