Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if only i could text you this smell
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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