The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
