we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
